boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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