Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Randomize
