I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
