moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
