Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
