Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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