ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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