So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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