He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You took a bar mat shot.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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