Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
