TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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