It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
