all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
