Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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