he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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