Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
