New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
