Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
