you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
