She's JV to your varsity
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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