my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Randomize
