It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What drink are we having for lunch?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
