It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
