My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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