I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
