One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
