Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
