My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just gift wrapped bread.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
