for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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