My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
