My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
