1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my being single is dangerous.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
