Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
