can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I want to have your abortion
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
