remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
