I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
