It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
