It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
