Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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