I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
