Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
