Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
