I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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