I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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