So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
