please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
