you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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