Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
