Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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