He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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