I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
