ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
