Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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