I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
