i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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