she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
