I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
