i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
