i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
