She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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