its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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