Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
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Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
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Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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