He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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