New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
