you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
