Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
