Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
