She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
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Your topless pictures make me question reality
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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