Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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