he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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