one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
