why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
