You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
