hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
