He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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