pedialite and red bull = repair kit
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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