Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
