I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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